Having faith in God to follow everything through and to make it work on only his terms, my fairy tale outlook slowly dwindles. Only after realizing that it wasn't only his job to make it work, but it was a joined effort. I did what I knew was the best way to prepare, or so I thought. I didn't take in account that there was more than just the financial aspect to put in place and make sure that I was prepared, little did I know there was more. I never have really experienced Satan's jabs and mind games until this summer.
I strongly believe in the power of prayer and think, well I know, that it can do miraculous things. I haven't realized what power that lack of prayer does to you. Without finding strength in prayer and to use God as my support I crumbled into a million pieces. I didn't have the right mentality, or the drive to move forward and make my goal. Satan took his best shots at me and I fell. I became his amusement for a while. I have never been one to be negative and have no drive or want independence from God, but without prayer I was exactly that and more. Now don't get me wrong, I didn't fall away from Christianity, I just wanted to get control and let God be my co-pilot.
Having people step out in love for me and giving me the gifts of money and supporting me for my DTS is what did it for me. It made me realize that I have no control over anything and that the only thing I was doing to myself was stressing myself out. I was trying to raise the money and everything all alone. As soon as I realized that God had me taken care of and I gave it all to him, giving away my plans and aspirations for this next year. He gave me the desires of my heart. If I had only broken down my wall and let him in sooner I could have saved myslef a lot of sleepless nights filled with worry.
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