Three Weeks, Three Days and counting...

Timing is everything, and it goes by a lot more than you would think. Looking back on this stressful and work filled summer I realize that the time went by so fast. It was over in a blink of an eye. Now the leaves are beautiful shades of red and yellow. Trying  to make sure that I don't offend anyone by not giving them the time to talk and making sure that I have the "one last hang out" with them, it's hard to make time. We take that time that we have for granted. Especially with the ones that we care about most.

It's hard for me to think of how different relationships will be without physically being there with everyone. I have had long distance friendships and we did the whole pen-pal thing. I love getting stuff in the mail and writing letters and stuff. However I wonder how close you can be with someone only having seen their words written on a piece of paper? Would it make it a closer relationship because you can't see the facial reactions or would it make you have a wall up for that exact reason, because you can't see their expressions....?

Fears of mine going into this is what of people forget about me, or if because I don't have the time for them anymore for a short while, then will they still want to be here for me? Would I still be considered one of the people that they go to for advice? Would my friend who I love so much find an outlet for her struggles in more of a constructive way? Would I be able to save her if something happened? How am I supposed to bring peace if I am not at home?

Timing is everything. Only God has the questions to my answers. Only he is the one who can keep the peace and he is only the one I should worry about pleasing.

I wonder why if timing is everything, then why do I waste it on stuff that doesn't matter and worry about things that aren't important. Things like people liking me and keeping the peace with everyone? I am going to be able to impact people for the next several months, and make my relationships stronger. That's all that should matter and that is all that will matter.

The Beginning of my Adventure

Letting my music invade my silence and take over, It's hard for me not to look into what may or may not come of my trip to Ireland. I want to dream and let my mind take me to my fairy tale outlook on these next few months. Letting my mind tinker with the "what if's". Not knowing that it can be a deadly game with the mind.

Having faith in God to follow everything through and to make it work on only his terms, my fairy tale outlook slowly dwindles. Only after realizing that it wasn't only his job to make it work, but it was a joined effort. I did what I knew was the best way to prepare, or so I thought. I didn't take in account that there was more than just the financial aspect to put in place and make sure that I was prepared, little did I know there was more.  I never have really experienced Satan's jabs and mind games until this summer.

I strongly believe in the power of prayer and think, well I know, that it can do miraculous things. I haven't realized what power that lack of prayer does to you. Without finding strength in prayer and to use God as my support I crumbled into a million pieces. I didn't have the right mentality, or the drive to move forward and make my goal. Satan took his best shots at me and I fell. I became his amusement for a while. I have never been one to be negative and have no drive or want independence from God, but without prayer I was exactly that and more. Now don't get me wrong, I didn't fall away from Christianity, I just wanted to get control and let God be my co-pilot. 

Having people step out in love for me and giving me the gifts of money and supporting me for my DTS is what did it for me. It made me realize that I have no control over anything and that the only thing I was doing to myself was stressing myself out. I was trying to raise the money and everything all alone. As soon as I realized that God had me taken care of and I gave it all to him, giving away my plans and aspirations for this next year. He gave me the desires of my heart. If I had only broken down my wall and let him in sooner I could have saved myslef a lot of sleepless nights filled with worry.