When reality sinks in..

I am really looking forward to this week. I can feel that it is going to be a wonderful experience for me. Why, you ask? It's all about missions work! Two wonderful ladies (Erica & Dee) are from Switzerland and are our example of what the life of a missionary would look like and how you can achieve it for yourself if you feel led. I have a huge heart for this type of thing so I am most definitely soaking in everything that they say. What they do is help out with disaster relief after major stuff happens. To help us understand more of what it would be like to lose everything, we did this excersize.

Dee gave us sixteen pieces of paper. We were instructed to write down our four favorite people, possessions and activities, also write down our four main dreams in life. After we had done that we had the person next to us pick out three of the pieces of paper out of our pile. I got left with my phone, being a mother, and my mom.. We were looking at what was left in our hands as what we had lost, the last three things are the only things we had left after a natural disaster of some sorts. We thought that was the end... Little did we know that we had to look at every piece of paper before ripping it up. Ripped up the names of our best friends.. significant others...our biggest hopes and dreams.. They were all gone in a single moment. Moments of silence followed after to let it sink it. I didn't think that it would hit me so hard, I was ripping up a piece of paper for crying out loud. Who gets emotional over paper? Obviously I do, I found that out real quick. Thinking that was the extent of relating, we were handed a balloon and told to blow it up. I wasn't sure what was going to happen after we did that. Doing as told, we blew up the balloon, Dee came over with scissors and popped it. We had written the three things that were left with us on our  balloon. I could honestly say that I understood the feeling of losing people or losing hope. Even though I was still intact in reality... I could imagine and relate to how it would feel to lose everything and everyone that was near and dear to my heart.

We listened to many wonderful stories and watched a few videos of trips that they had both gone on. We soaked up advice, wisdom, and excitement from them. They were such a blessing to be around!

Looking back on that week (this is a little late.. I got distracted.. haha) I can say that it was one of my favorite weeks so far. Mainly because it was about missions but also because it was practical and I could use what they had given us some realistic outlooks on what missions work is. 

One week of success!

Looking out the window I can see the beautiful Irish country side of Rostrevor. It's earthly colors drawing me in and bringing poetic desires, artistic love for what the Lord has made. It's beautiful.. Never taking the time in my busy life to admire what he has made for us to enjoy, I am forced to sit back, relax and smell the roses with the time that I have. It's amazing and wonderful and everything that you would imagine a country side to be.

We take the time to worship, weather it is singing, writing or listening. There are so many different ways that you can, I have my own little box of what is 'normal' for a worship session. Having stepped out of that box I realized that a whole lot more can come out of writing and opening up your heart and you are willing to listen to God's voice. I learned in my time of worship that I have so many wall and fears that I have been holding back from what God has in store for me. I am so excited to see what he has for me this coming year.

There has been one situation that has tested my patience. I should have expected that because I prayed for some patience. God doesn't give you patience, he gives you moments in where you grow stronger in that of what you asked for. I need to be careful for what I pray for from now on! Ha

It still amazes me that I am in Ireland. In the country that I have been dreaming of being in for ages. I have heard accents and seen the way that they live over here. It's not a culture shock thankfully. However I know that when I go to China or India it definitely will be a bit different with the language barriers and such. I am excited though, It will be an experience that I will never forget!

I went to Belfast a few days ago. We saw the wall of peace and prayed outside both of the Protestant and Catholic sides. Just for the unity of the different religions. It was interesting seeing the murals and graffiti that they had put up as hate or a plea for justice. Then we went to the ghetto I guess you could call it where there have been generations of unemployment and the parents don't want there children so they send them out to school early with a can of coke and a mars bar. Not caring if they were freezing without a coat or if they were bored, it didn't matter as long as they were out of the house. I have yet to still learn more about their way of life. 

If you could take a wee minute out of your day and shout out some words of prayer for strength to the big man for me that would be wonderful! 

Three Weeks, Three Days and counting...

Timing is everything, and it goes by a lot more than you would think. Looking back on this stressful and work filled summer I realize that the time went by so fast. It was over in a blink of an eye. Now the leaves are beautiful shades of red and yellow. Trying  to make sure that I don't offend anyone by not giving them the time to talk and making sure that I have the "one last hang out" with them, it's hard to make time. We take that time that we have for granted. Especially with the ones that we care about most.

It's hard for me to think of how different relationships will be without physically being there with everyone. I have had long distance friendships and we did the whole pen-pal thing. I love getting stuff in the mail and writing letters and stuff. However I wonder how close you can be with someone only having seen their words written on a piece of paper? Would it make it a closer relationship because you can't see the facial reactions or would it make you have a wall up for that exact reason, because you can't see their expressions....?

Fears of mine going into this is what of people forget about me, or if because I don't have the time for them anymore for a short while, then will they still want to be here for me? Would I still be considered one of the people that they go to for advice? Would my friend who I love so much find an outlet for her struggles in more of a constructive way? Would I be able to save her if something happened? How am I supposed to bring peace if I am not at home?

Timing is everything. Only God has the questions to my answers. Only he is the one who can keep the peace and he is only the one I should worry about pleasing.

I wonder why if timing is everything, then why do I waste it on stuff that doesn't matter and worry about things that aren't important. Things like people liking me and keeping the peace with everyone? I am going to be able to impact people for the next several months, and make my relationships stronger. That's all that should matter and that is all that will matter.

The Beginning of my Adventure

Letting my music invade my silence and take over, It's hard for me not to look into what may or may not come of my trip to Ireland. I want to dream and let my mind take me to my fairy tale outlook on these next few months. Letting my mind tinker with the "what if's". Not knowing that it can be a deadly game with the mind.

Having faith in God to follow everything through and to make it work on only his terms, my fairy tale outlook slowly dwindles. Only after realizing that it wasn't only his job to make it work, but it was a joined effort. I did what I knew was the best way to prepare, or so I thought. I didn't take in account that there was more than just the financial aspect to put in place and make sure that I was prepared, little did I know there was more.  I never have really experienced Satan's jabs and mind games until this summer.

I strongly believe in the power of prayer and think, well I know, that it can do miraculous things. I haven't realized what power that lack of prayer does to you. Without finding strength in prayer and to use God as my support I crumbled into a million pieces. I didn't have the right mentality, or the drive to move forward and make my goal. Satan took his best shots at me and I fell. I became his amusement for a while. I have never been one to be negative and have no drive or want independence from God, but without prayer I was exactly that and more. Now don't get me wrong, I didn't fall away from Christianity, I just wanted to get control and let God be my co-pilot. 

Having people step out in love for me and giving me the gifts of money and supporting me for my DTS is what did it for me. It made me realize that I have no control over anything and that the only thing I was doing to myself was stressing myself out. I was trying to raise the money and everything all alone. As soon as I realized that God had me taken care of and I gave it all to him, giving away my plans and aspirations for this next year. He gave me the desires of my heart. If I had only broken down my wall and let him in sooner I could have saved myslef a lot of sleepless nights filled with worry.